Thursday, November 18, 2004

Interesting chat transcript where I'm articulate but ignoring the real world

Person says:
Did you see my gay friend *** on Tuesday?
Edward Insano says:
yeah but i was in a hurry
Edward Insano says:
so i told him to frig off
Person says:
did he run after your bum?
Edward Insano says:
Person, i'm sorry but you know that guy is a cock smoker who longs to be free
Person says:
he's not
Person says:
he's a man whore
Edward Insano says:
no, he is
Person says:
He made out with 2 different chicks at a party on Friday night
Edward Insano says:
so what?
Edward Insano says:
you think if a guy fucks 50 girls it makes him straight? wake up man
Person says:
He would come out if he was
Edward Insano says:
doubt it, with all the jokeyness
Person says:
Did you do anything exciting last night?
Edward Insano says:
no. i'm having a shitty week.
Person says:
Why?
Edward Insano says:
i need you to come over here and entertain me
Person says:
what's wrong?
Edward Insano says:
nothings wrong
Person says:
then why is your week so shitty?
Edward Insano says:
because everything is boring and annoying
Person says:
2 people are making out in the hallway
Edward Insano says:
are they both girls?
Person says:
no
Person says:
a hot girl and a scrawny fuck
Edward Insano says:
fuck
Person says:
I had a dream the other night that we went to Cape Breton together
Edward Insano says:
then we both beat up *** until he admitted he likes man-ass
Person says:
no
Person says:
we had a fun drive though
Person says:
we drove the whole way in our underwear
Edward Insano says:
you have great dreams
Edward Insano says:
i think too much. yet i'm not very quick. what's that all about. i am paranoid.
Person says:
What are you paranoid about?
Edward Insano says:
thought control.
Person says:
explain
Edward Insano says:
my core problem is that i spend ridiculous amounts of time analyzing the things i think about, as i think of them. it's very insane. for the last couple of years i have been trying to organize and properly package everything i perceive in my known reality, so there can be little room for unimportant contemplation for things that aren't relevant to me or are meaningless
Edward Insano says:
i am trying to understand everything, but my own self doubt and self consciousness is getting in the way, that's why i think i may be afraid of continuing to do daring creative stuff.
Edward Insano says:
and also, in my head, i ramble on in long passages like the one above when i REALLY know that all i need to do is relax and keep making efforts and keep moving forward and stop being a lazy turd
Edward Insano says:
sorry, i'm done.
Person says:
wow
Person says:
You think a lot too so you must be pretty busy upstairs
Person says:
I have no idea what to say to you
Edward Insano says:
it's all very silly, but do you see how this kind of silliness is impractical and stops me from doing things
Person says:
What kind of things do you want to do but don't because of this?
Edward Insano says:
just 'cause someone has a blistering unending loop of contemplation it doesn't make them any smarter
Edward Insano says:
well, talk to people, interact, be sincere, write things, film things, organize things.... this could also be a distraction to the simple fact that i have great difficulty being motivated and that i'm lazy
Person says:
I don't think you're lazy
Edward Insano says:
but you need ambition to make yourself do things right? frg rhg trhtyhu tj
Edward Insano says:
think maybe i'll do a little jig to take my mind off my mind
Person says:
If you don't like things, ie your job, you're not going to have any ambition to do it
Person says:
I procrastinate when it is something I hate
Person says:
I work around it so that I don't have to do it until it absolutely has to be done
Edward Insano says:
that's true... but what about writing? it is the thing i am best at, i have great fun doing it and let's be honest it's fun to impress people so they think you're clever and smart and hey i'm all for that...
Edward Insano says:
i need a punch in the nuts
Person says:
no you don't
Person says:
Do you like your job more this year than previous years?
Edward Insano says:
yes, but i would replace the word like with "more tolerableā€
Person says:
What is your dream job?
Edward Insano says:
i dunno, at first i would say screen writer, or comedy writer or something, then actor, then video game tester, then graphic artist/animator, then guy who goes down on lonely super models
Edward Insano says:
what is your dream job?
Person says:
At least you know what you want to do
Person says:
I have no clue
Person says:
I have no experience in anything
Person says:
If I lose this job, I pretty much have to go to school and do something
Edward Insano says:
i haven't even fucking GRADUATED.