Tuesday, April 13, 2004

There was once a learned man OR Jesus can suck my ass

I recently met up with an old friend and spend an hour with my former god-like mentor over beer and wings. I was horrified to learn that he is not so god-like anymore, but rather that he likes god.

I was deeply saddened to find he has fallen victim to Jesus' love.

This is a very simple and predictable process. As one gets older one experiences a softening process called "aging". With this biological change comes the metamorphosis from intelligent socially conscious member of counter-culture, to boring as fuck pussy bastard. Said bastard does a 180 on all of his morals because his wife shits out a couple of squawkers, thereby increasing his self-importance at least three million points. You know what? Fuck you, you’re not special.

This process is common among those individuals who do not know what direction their lives should take and, as the years go by, a particular sort of fear emerges. It is this growing cowardice that transforms a person into that disgustingly safe and unthinking version of there former self.

"What the fuck do you mean you liked "Passion of the Christ”? What in the fuck."

"Man, when you see what he went through, that is some serious fucking torture. Mikey, I tell ya, honest to fuck I was in tears through most of the movie."

"... 'what he went through'... wha... what hell are you talking about? Are you serious?"

It gets worse from there. I asked him, “Hey what’s with the interest in Christianity? You hate organized religion.” Not anymore.

The basis for his argument is quite unsettling. There are, apparently, elements in our world that have little reason or are mysterious, there are bigger things that exist than we can’t fathom. Well, I tell him, obviously. As if our puny minds and brief history on earth can ever hope to comprehend even a piece of what we perceive to be the cosmos. I guess that head scratchy bit automatically calls for the Jesus factor. He continued on about how he takes his kids to church, and that he will indeed tell them about the Christian God. When I ask him how he can in good conscience practice this manner of horseshit he goes on to discuss “the power of religious tradition” in family. And the fact that Christianity is corrupt, anti-human, and harmful to real world issues and common sense is simply dismissible?

See, I know this seems silly; none of this is new or original. But you don’t know my friend. This guy is the last person in the world this would ever happen to. He was brilliant. He was biting. He was challenging. He was the funniest and coolest man in the world. And now, hey, let’s just relax. Settle down, settle down. I can’t bear the idea that my children might experience the real world. A world where there are bad things. Where there is no God. Where all anyone has is someone else, ‘cause that’s not enough. No sir. So I’ll just shut my brain off and believe in the teachings of the magical man in the sky.

Will this happen to me? Is this what I have to look forward to? Turning into a weak, repugnant soft as melted shit hypocrite?


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