Monday, June 14, 2004

Email forward where I find myself funny so I post it here because I'm full of shit

>Subject: my goods
>Date: Mon, 14 Jun 2004 12:13:52 -0400
>
>U KNOW THE DRILL>>COPY PASTE AND DO IT FOR YOU
>
>1. First Name? Mike
>
>2. Were you named after anyone? The guy that fucked my mom.
>
>3. Do you wish on stars? Lately? No, I'm not an asshole.
>
>4. Which finger is your favorite? The one that goes the farthest in the nether regions.
>
>5. When did you last cry? Honestly? Last episode of Buffy. No wait, this morning when I papercut my eyeball.
>
>6. Do you like your handwriting? Rarely; those slanty loops are fucking silly.
>
>8. Any bad habits? I hate people, I anger easily, I drink too much.
>
>9. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? I've got some Paul Simon up there; ridiculous.
>
>10.if u were another person, would YOU be friends with u? Of course the fuck not. Have you met me?
>
>11. Are you a daredevil? Absolutely.
>
>13. How do you release anger? Screaming at retarded people; crying while masturbating.
>
>14. Where is your second home? Rogue's Roost.
>
>15. Do you trust others easily? No and a world of no.
>
>16. What was your favorite toy as a child ? Optamus Prime; my dingleberry.
>
>17. What class in school do you think is totally useless? The one with all the fancy book learnin'... Gravity my ass.
>
>18. Do you have a journal? A pretend one, and another where I refer to myself as Lord Byron.
>
>19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Only at the most inappropriate of times, shithead.
>
>21. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? No, though I once knitted a posh mit.
>
>22. What are your nicknames? Edward Insano, Gillis, hey you useless asshole, Nicky Big Pickle.
>
>23. Would you bungee jump? Doubt it. Is Drew Barrymore waiting at the bottom to welcome me into her bosom?
>
>24. Are you listening to music right now? I am doing a bit of humming. It's pretty good.
>
>25. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No. I mean, that's pretty personal. Why don't we just have a shag?
>
>26. Do you think that you are strong willed? Unconsciously yes, but consciously no. I am a very confused young man.
>
>27. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Crispy Craptastic with a double glaze of special drippings.
>
>28. Shoe Size? Snow shoes are worn at all times.
>
>29. What are your favorite colors? Purple, dark blue, and black.
>
>30. What is your least favorite thing? Gangsta rap. Though it's a close tie with old people. Fuck them.
>
>31. How many wisdom teeth do you have? All of them, they're pretty sharp too. I once gnawed a horse completely to death.
>
>32. How many people have a crush on you right now? What number is less than zero?
>
>33. What do you miss most right now? Sanity.
>
>34. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back to you? Only if it is God's will (oh wait, he's pretend).
>
>35. What color pants are you wearing? Black, like the darkest of nights and the foulest of frights. Oh wait, there's a little grey in there too.
>
>36. last person you hung out with? Iain.
>
>37. last thing you ate? Shittily congealed mac and chee.
>
>38. if you were a crayon, what color would you be? Suck it, Freud.
>
>39.what is the weather like right now? A little salty.
>
>40. Last person you talked to on the phone? That's private, but it costs $3.99 per minute.
>
>41. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? The back of the neck if visible, the grace of the legs, the beauty of the hips. And the pisser too, completely.
>
>42. Do you like the person who sent you this? Absolutely, she is wacky and fun.
>
>43. How do you feel today? Red wined-out.
>
>44. Favorite drink? Keith's Lite.
>
>45. Favorite alcoholic drink? Listerine.
>
>46. Favorite Sport? Screw that jock crap. Give me two roosters peckin' the shit out of each other and boy that's entertainment.
>
>47. Hair color? Brown.
>
>48. Eye color? green.
>
>49. Do you wear contacts? No, though it would be fun and sassy. I tried coloring in my cornea using a Sharpie marker but the authorities had to be called.
>
>50. Siblings? 3.
>
>51. Favorite month? July... the spring breasts are out in full force..
>
>52. Favorite food? Keith's Lite.
>
>53. Last movie you watched? Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker Uncut Version (2002)
>
>54. Summer or winter? Chanukah.
>
>55. Hugs or kisses? One of each would be good. Add an ass-grab and brother we're aces.
>
>56. Do you want your friends to write back? Oh yes! Of course! Etc.
>
>57. Who is most likely to respond?: T.
>
>58. Who is least likely to respond? Mr. T. Fool ain't called me back in years. I pity him..
>
>59. Living Arrangements? Waterfront one bedroom apartment. For sleeping in my bed with me arrangements, contact me at...
>
>60. What book/magazine are you reading? Lesbians, something about lesbians.
>
>61. What's on your mouse pad? Don't use one, they get crusty and besides what am I a commie?
>
>62. Favorite board game? Trivial Flatulence..
>
>63. What did you watch on TV last night? Nothing. I listened to Ween and then I did this rather clever little dance.
>
>64. Favorite Smell? Absolurly fresh cut grass, there is no better smell (insert dirty comment here).
>
>65. First kiss? I choose to invoke the filth ammendmant.
>
>66. Where's one place u would like to be now? At the end of a bungee cord fastly streamling toward Drew Barrymore and her bountiful loving bosom.

3 Comments:

Blogger Boost Ventilator said...

Oh, now I'm a "person" eh. Next you'll be telling me that I hurt your "feelings."

11:34 AM  
Blogger Death_to_Mike_G said...

Mike tries and has some success. I haven't
physically seen him in months but the smell lingers.
To be fair, my heart still yearns for him and
his sarcasm which, in my experience in this dark
and desperate world, is unmatched.

5:00 PM  
Anonymous 'puke said...

Email forwards are God's way of keeping us laughing.

8:32 PM  

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